What Mark Zukerberg's 419 'help me stash my funds' email would look like

Dear Friend,

I am Prince Mark Zukerberg, founder of a social networking site The Facebook, and husband to Priscilla Chan.

I will save your time by not amplifying my accomplishments, which has already been disseminated by the international media during our meteoric IPO. As you may know from the international media, the people have accused me and my company of wrongdoings in relation to our $100bn stock sale and i fear my newly acquired funds are now at risk.

This was as a result of a software crisis that was outside of our control and not foretold by myself or my esteemed colleagues. However it seems the people and the Kingdom of the SEC are after my blood and my funds are now at risk.

Before the markets reopened on Monday, I went ahead to dispatch the sum of $1 billion United States Dollars (US$1.000,000,000.00) in cash money with the assistance of a foreign diplomat who now resides in Europe. The money has now been deposited as valuables into different private security and trust company for safe keeping abroad. The money was split and kept in the following countries in this proportion: US$500 Million is in London, US$200 Million is in china, US$200 Million is in Thailand, US $100 Million in Amsterdam, the Netherlands.

Please if you know you can assist in claiming and investing it in real estate/property to guarantee the future survival of my family, contact me fast so that I'll give you contact information of the security company in Europe and other parts of the world where the funds are deposited. For your assistance i will compensate you with 25% of the total sum and another 5% shall be set aside to defray any expenses that may arise.

Please I count on your absolute confidentiality, transparency and trust while looking forward to your prompt response towards a swift conclusion of this business transaction through my Facebook wall.

Thanks & may many blessings remain with you.
I remain yours sincerely
MK

(I write this with much love for a fellow entrepreneur, who whatever your opinion, has created a company worth significantly more than most of us will)